T h e   B u g a l o o s ! ! !

Krofft Collectibles Auction

Sunday, August 23rd, 1998

Here is a transcript from the Krofft Collectibles Auction ... which took place on Sunday, August 23rd in 1998.

For reference, "Auctioneer" refers to the regular Dove Brother's Auctioneer, who runs the administrative end while Billy Barty handles the rest of the floor.

    Marty Krofft: Look who's here ... Billy Barty is here!!

    (lots of applause, Marty said some more but I can't make it out)

    Marty: Billy, you have been in every show we've ever done ... and so have you, Patti. Hey Patty, Patty Malone...

    (more applause)

    Billy Barty: Oh ey oh ... wanna by a (this all) for $8000? Hey, nobody's listening to me. Oh, you can't see me.

    Billy (to Marty): Huh? Did I buy anything? No, I'm a little short...

    Billy (to Auctioneer): Okay, are you gonna do the bid, do you want me to do the bid, I dunno? What do you want me to do? Huh? Okay, gimme a bid, gimme a bid, I don't care. A dollar and a half, two dollars ... fifty-thousand? Alright, let's start out with what do you want, $150? What do you want to do?

    Auctioneer: Uh, we're gonna take it away from here because we have some phone bidders, okay?

    Billy: Oh, phone bidders?

    Auctioneer: Yeah, you wanna help out?

    Billy: I dunno, I don't have a phone...

    Auctioneer: Ask for $500

    Billy: Okay, $500, 5-and-a-half, whaddya say? I thought you had your hand raised.

    (miscellaneous bidding)

    Billy: $600-and-a-half, let's go for $700 ... 700 right over here. $750?

    Auctioneer: $800 you have...

    Billy: $800 ... what?

    Auctioneer: You have eight, on the phone.

    Billy: Oh, eight on the phone ... that means 800 right? Alright, I thought you had 8 people on the phone, I dunno. Alright $800, let's hear it for $850

    Auctioneer: A thousand on the phone...

    Billy: A thousand on the phone ... see everybody jump. Okay, alright ... $1000, $1000, one-fifty, one-fifty, is that right?

    Auctioneer: You're in charge...

    Billy: Oh, I'm in charge ... okay, lemme hear for a $1100 ... let's go for $1200. C'mon lemme hear for $1200.

    Auctioneer: Yes, yes...

    Billy: Yes, we got it...? We've got $1200? Good, good, good!! Wait till we come to the bottom of that. Anyways, we've got $1200? What we need, $1250? What do you want? We wanna go "TWO!!"

    Auctioneer: Anywhere you want...

    Billy: $1300, $1300 ... let's hear it for $1300. We got $1300, right over there... $1350? $1350? Why not go $1400 ... I dunno? We got $1400? We're down to $1350, is that right?

    Auctioneer: $1300

    Billy: Yeah, boy ... wait till we get to the rest of the body... Alright, $1350. Remember, that is my head ... I'm underneath there ya, know. It's worth more than that. Wait a minute, $1300...

    Auctioneer: Ask if there's anymore...

    Billy Barty: Is there anymore bid? Okay, $1300 ... going once?


    Billy Barty (under his breath): Notice I'm stalling?

    Billy Barty: $1300 going twice...


    Billy Barty (aside): Do I have to give any of this money to my agent ... I dunno. Alright...

    Billy Barty: $1300 going three times


    Billy Barty: Three times, once...


    Billy Barty: No hands, no bidding? Okay, $1300 ... SOLD!!!


    Auctioneer: That was spectacular...

There you have it, I hope you enjoyed it!! Thanks again go to Billy Barty for one last bit of entertainment ... may you rest in peace.

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